I spent most of my time writing this intro trying to think of a clever way to compare Jura and the show ’16 and Pregnant’ with the word ‘disappointment’ as the punchline. As you can see I didn’t quite make it, though as my first statement might imply, Jura really wasn’t worth me wasting anymore of my time trying to be clever on its behalf. So here’s Jura: A half decent Single Malt Scotch that things its the shit.
I first encountered Jura at a Scotch tasting out in Waltham, Massachusetts. At the time I didn’t think it was all that bad, but then again I’d already tried four scotches before it so my opinion was likely very skewed. And by likely I mean definitely. Buffalo Jern, William Henri Neve IV, and I sat down to our first scotch review in a while with very high hopes, hopes that were very swiftly dashed.
Before I get into the real depths of our horror, let’s at least give Jura a chance to defend itself:
What they say: “Origin is the 10 year old that started the Jura journey. It carries the traditional Celtic symbol for birth, beginning and the forces of nature. It tells of a passion rekindled, a distillery reborn and a remarkable whisky forged by turbulent seas and windswept landscapes. It holds a special place in the heart of all Diurachs. For the people of Jura, Origin is the water of life.
Slumbering for a full decade in quiet contentment, this beguiling spirit has a lingering taste of warming gentle oak, notes of honey and caramel, soft liquorice and roasted coffee beans. To be leisurely savoured.”
Wank. Pure 100% wank. Well I’ll be generous, maybe just 90%. Point being a lot of what is said here is just faffing about with no real content. I’m drinking Jura again as I write this and I can safely say that this scotch does not nearly have the complexity which the text above implies. Now it may be that I just haven’t tasted enough scotches to fully appreciate it. Though, with the number of scotches myself and the other members of Booze reviews have tried, I sincerely doubt this one is going to get much better.
So how would we have written that little blurb about this scotch? It starts off in winning fashion by assaulting your nose with an aroma that says anything but ‘drink me’. Once it actually gets in your mouth it does a little bit of a better job selling itself. The taste is pleasant (at least compared to the smell) but it doesn’t last near long enough to make up for the incredibly harsh aftertaste. Finally Jura finishes with a burn that takes advantage of skin the aftertaste seared off of your throat to completely remove any hope your throat ever had to regenerate its mucus membrane.
Doesn’t sound nearly as appealing does it? We didn’t think so either, as is plainly obvious by the scores below:
Taste: 4.67 – It’s taste is fairly middle of the road.
Aftertaste: 1.83 – This is not pleasant. I have not had a worse aftertaste – there could be worse, but damn who care this is bad.
Burn/Smooth: 3.17 – It burns like a bitch – certainly harsh – knee slapper. It has a slightly redeeming warmness.
Aroma: 3.67 – Smell is certainly potent – it’s strong not sure if we like it. Doesn’t have the drink me smell we want.
Manliness: 1.33 – SO MUCH WANK. AND THEY LIE TO YOU. Bottle looks stupid – looks like a basic tequila bottle. Scots using Egyptian writing?
w/ Rocks: 4.67 – it turns it from bad to subpar.
Rusty Nail: 2.0 – This is just awful.
Value: 2 – There’s just so much you could get at this price, that’s just so much better.
Google Shop Average: $40
William Henri Neve the IV: 2.5
Metric Score: 20/70 |+| Metric Average: 2.86 |+| Reviewer Average: 2.17
Now one thing people need to realize after walking away from this review is in the end, this is still a single malt scotch, and therefore stands a head above many other non-scotch whiskies we’d give the same score. That being said, I’ll leave you with some of the less than flattering quotes from the night we tasted this abominat—I mean Scotch.
“Just disappointing in every way – make no mistake this is certainly the worst single malt we’ve ever tasted – and while it may not be the worst in the world – I would advise against anyone trying this with my dying breath.”
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