This has been a long time coming, and it’s clear to see why. Despite the pair of reviews being one of the most viewed and talked about things on this site – we are not fans of E&J based on their lackluster XO, and their dismal VSOP. However those familiar with their brandy/cognac tiers know that there is a step younger (worse?) than VSOP – the VS. We said we would start getting more brandy and cognac – and that brings us to today.
Now for those of you wondering – hey maybe both brandies they had were bad batches (in which case srsly?), and that somehow by being a less mellow spirit this would somehow soar in scores, and prove that E&J are actually a good brandy company – well sorry E&J spokespeople (because I have to assume you are), but your VS has done nothing but destroy any possibility of enjoying your spirits again. You could literally have a drink that is milk from angel’s tits and as long as it has your label – I’ll pass.
What they Say: “One of the most distinctive qualities of E&J brandy is its remarkable character. This is accomplished by a vertical blending of brandies of different ages from the finest white oak barrels which we personally have selected. This expensive and time consuming aging process also develops the full and natural brandy flavor of E&J brandy.”
Taste: 4.0 – There was a few brief seconds in which I got a nice bit of sweetness with a light brandy flavor.
Aftertaste: 0.0 – (No that 0 is not a typo) Because that is without a doubt on of the worst things I have ever had the misfortune to taste. It has layers much like how Dante’s Inferno had layers, and it lingers on your tastebuds like the time you chugged expired milk.
Burn/Smooth: 1.5 – There is no way this would be going down smooth when neat, and then it has the audacity to burn your esophagus as well.
Aroma: 2.5 – I just had a 30 second coughing fit with a twinge of brandy smell – that admittedly smell wise was okay. However further whiffs also managed to bring coughing, and you lose points for causing SARS.
Honesty: 2.0 – “One of the most distinctive qualities of E&J brandy is its remarkable character.” This is true; however that character is King Joffery from Game of Thrones.
Mixability: 3.0
W/ Rocks: 3.0 – I mean it mellows out the aftertaste, but mostly by watering it down.
Metropolitan: 3.0 – I have had 2 Metropolitan’s in my life prior to this, and thank god those were from classy jazz bars – because if I’d been served this I would have made that stupid alcohol face in public.
Value: 2.0 – I got ripped off. Also average has with a +/- 2 dollar for the VSOP meaning you could find this more expensive than the VSOP depending on where you go.
Google Shop Average: $13
Website: http://www.ejbrandy.com/
Reviewer Scores:
BuffaloJern: 1.5
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Metric Score: 15/70 |+| Metric Average: 2.14 |+| Reviewer Average: 1.5
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Final Thoughts: So there you have it internet, we have reviewed the base offerings of the E&J line, and if you have comments and complaints please continue to feel free and ply our website. I’ll approve all comments not marked spam – we don’t censor. We’ll sure as shit respond though and tell you to fuck off. Because we are not here to fluff E&J’s marketing dick – we’re here for honest reviews, and honestly? I don’t even know if cooking with this is worth it.
This sounds like an honest review, and i’m glad you made it. I just turned 21 and im looking for a drink i really like. Im partial to dark liquors and im a fan of beer so i typically stick with whiskey when im in a hard alcohol mood. I recently got into brandy, and by recently i mean i got my first bottle of E&J Vs today and im drinking it now. I personally find it smooth as all hell, however i dont have much to compare it to. But from the looks of this review there are a lot better choices out there and i cant wait to try them.
Yeah, brandies get weird (esp. with flavoring). Of course some people will say ‘if it’s not cognac it’s crap’, but there really are some good brandies that the crew here has tried. We admit that they don’t come up in reviews often enough, but this is usually because they tend to either be something that lingers longer in a decanter, or is sampled at a bar (which doesn’t lead to a review). E&J despite what the haters? lovers? say in the comment threads are either paid or willfully ignorant of how bad it really is.
The tops on your large e & j bottles have a defect for the past few months.
Will not completely unscrew.
No, we just did that to piss you off
1st sign that the world was going to hell was E&J is no longer making “Cask&Cream.”
Please remedy.
I drink E&J. The only problem is the shitty cap,it is hard to twist off and the damn aluminum cracks and leaves a very sharp snap ring(which I have cut my hand on).Any others have this problem on the 750ml bottle? Sometimes I use pliers,it is safer.
I had the misfortune of trying this brandy a few days ago, just as a tester in a shot glass to get an idea of what it was like as our local bar is replacing Courvoisier with this drink (it’s a Brexit thing).
The thing about Courvoisier is that it is a drink that you can have neat, maybe with ice if that’s your thing, as well as with several other mixers of choice and i would sincerely say it’s a well known and reliable tipple as you all no doubt already know.
So on hearing that after initial tests customers gave the thumbs up to E&J, and maybe even much preferred the price and taste to its predecessor, i was eager to give it a go once it was in stock.
As i stated earlier it was in a shot glass but instead of just necking it i thought i’d try a taste test to savour the moment.
Well on first impressions all i can say is it certainly packs a punch! I can only imagine a lot like Mike Tyson uppercutting your testicles after a ten foot run up.
A friend of mine was trying it at the same time as me and if my grimace was anywhere near as bad as his then it’s a shame that photo’s weren’t taken of the moment, as in this case i do think that a picture would have most certainly spoken louder than a thousand words.
The after taste….the during taste….just the damn taste was nothing like i’ve ever experienced before from something labelled fit for human consumption.
Maybe i’m being slightly over dramatic as i never gave it a chance with a mixer, but i reckon a gallon of Pepsi per one shot of E&J could be a desirable measured balance to get the best flavour out of this obscene creation.
It probably does have a use somewhere, maybe for cleaning the grease off my motorbike chain, or getting blood stains out of tarmac, but it shouldn’t be classified as drink worthy, unless you’re Russian, or a prisoner, or both.
How on this very earth people could pay decent hard earned cash and drink this potion just beggars belief, i really can’t state enough how much i disliked it, and i can honestly say i will never ever be touching it again, not even if it was free.
So there’s my review on E&J brandy, i hope it was helpful and not off-putting in any way, as like most things the only way to really know the truth about anything is by trying it out yourself.
If you do try it though, have some minty chewing gum and a sick bucket to hand as i really do reckon it will catch a few people out with its very acquired taste.
Hey now, don’t insult Russians like that. They would never touch this swill. And as for prisoners, well, I have a strong feeling toilet hooch still tastes better than E&J, and probably is better for you too. I always thought E&J, much like Smirnoff (fun story about that btw-it once put me in the hospital. Not from drinking too much, oh no. I had 2 mixed drinks. From the resulting hangover. It felt like my body was trying to expel my whole stomach and I thought I was gonna get an aneurism from puking so hard all day) was the kinda stuff that was only ever re-purchased by the type of hit-rock-bottom-years-ago drunks that are just happy to upgrade from listerine, and as a “gift” by people trying to kill their enemies.
I’m with you on E&J Brandy.
It is by far the worst on-the-rocks liquor that I have ever tasted. I have a 7/8’s-full bottle. Hopefully it will get better with age, because nobody ever drinks it in my house.
Liquor tastes really weak or diluted. Shame
That’s why they call it “Erk & Jerk!”
There are so many mediocre bourbons that I would rather drink at this price!
That was the best laugh I had from a review……lol…..and I’m just going out to get a bottle EJ too…..lol