Open your minds, mouths, stomachs, anus and urethra all you Honest Booze Reviews readers because shit is about to go down. A couple of weeks ago we all got together and decided that we needed to cook some food…cook some food and get drunk. WHAT CHU KNOW ABOUT BOOZE REVIEWS, SON?! BuffaloJern, the man named Justice, and DJ LvL got together with a couple of new friends to this gig in Poat and Mr. Hentai to drink some food and eat some booze along with me, bottle inverted 180 degrees and the opening no longer pouring booze into my mouth, William Henri Neve IV aka newly formed Tex Mexibro aka MC Will Power aka DJ Jonah Jameson (DAMN YOU SPIDERMAN!) aka William Henri Neve The Fourth (different person).
Jack Daniels Green Label 750mL
STOP! Did you read our Jack Daniel’s Black Label review yet? If not Jern put this link here because I am fucking useless when it comes to stuff like that. .
So, now that you know how we felt about the original whiskey Mr. Daniels brought to this world, allow us, the Booze Review Crew, to introduce that a new challenger is approaching!
Auchentoshan 12yr 750mL
A Journey of Justice: Part 4
Dear Booze Reviewers,
Well everyone, I’m home. Those of you in the Buffalo Lounge no doubt already know of my safe return to my homeland. However, despite this I feel that I must recount to you the final days of my expedition. You will recall that in my previous letter I told of my time in a faraway land with an exotic, yet strangely familiar single malt whisky. It took me several weeks but eventually I found my way out of that place and back onto a path I felt led me to my destination. My intuition proved true, as within a day I found myself standing before a treasure trove.
Suntory Yamazaki Single Malt Whisky 12yr 750mL
A Journey of Justice: Part 3
Dear Booze Reviewers,
I’ve once again found it within my power to postmark a message to you. Though my travels have been long and arduous I have once again made it to civilization. I appear to be somewhere in the far east. As you can imagine I was at first quite distraught as to where I found myself for this is not the land of Whiskey, being the beverage I sought after. Here there is only sake, souju, and rice beer. All great drinks in their own right, but none close to my prized drink: Scotch. However, fate saw fit to prove this first impression wrong. It wasn’t long before I stumbled upon and old building tucked away in the mountains. Even from a distance I knew that this was no ordinary building, in fact it was my favorite sort of building: a distillery.
Eventually using my wit and pack full of seemingly useless items, I managed not only to ascertain that this building was indeed a facility for distilling single malt whiskies, but also to procure a bottle of their single malt. I knew after taking the first sip that I had not become lost in my travels, no. It was fate’s drunken hand that had guided me here. The whisky had a rich smoky taste that pulled me in right from the beginning. After finding some ice (don’t ask me how) I poured myself a glass and set to my duties.
The Balvenie Double Wood 12yr 750mL
A Journey of Justice: Part 2
I, JimmathyJethro Justice, have decided to write you once again, with tales of my travels. I hope that all is well back in the Buffalo Lounge and I want you all to know that despite my traveling, I have not shirked my duties. It has been nearly two weeks since my last correspondence and I have more tales to tell you about my search for inner mysteries of scotch.
The Glenmorangie 10 Year Single Malt Scotch 750mL
A Journey of Justice: Part 1
Dear friends and comrades,
I, Jimmathy Jethro Justice, have just set out on a journey. I know not when I will return or how long it will be before I can sample another alcoholic beverage with you again. However, this is a journey I must undertake. I have decided to catalog my journey and send back to you my adventures, so that you may share them with the world.
I set out two days past, donning my traveling cloak and packing only the barest of essentials.
Special – Response to Wodka Vodka
Editor’s Note: This is back from when we were on Nerdfit, I’ve reuploaded it here, first as a reminder that Wodka needs to hire a better PR guy (especially considering some of their other forays like Billboards). But also because this stands as a testament to what we when we were at Nerdfit, and what Honest Booze Reviews stands for – Brutally honest, if you’re average you’re getting a 5. We are not your friends, and we are not going to hand out 94’s just because we want companies to give us free stuff and press.
I felt the need to write this up because of the backlash against Wodka for their comments made via their Twitter. First and foremost, it was weird seeing referrals from their website, and I was totally okay with them not being huge fans of our review. My original response via facebook was “Response to getting told a review is shit by a spirit company for giving them a 6 for being slightly better than average? Knowledge that we’re doing the right thing.” and I still stand by that. We knew doing these that we weren’t making friends. At Nerdfit we stood by our reviews as being honest and most importantly – very harsh.
Which is why I don’t want our fans or those who follow Wodka to boycott their spirit over this backlash. Their vodka is actually quite nice. It’s a middle shelf vodka for a bottom shelf price, and while yes their are things in the same tier that taste better or have better deals the difference between Wodka, Skyy, Ketel One, or Three Olives is negligible. They are a great bargain buy for a 750mL (Most handle prices are just as good a deal, but that depends on your area).
I realize some feel that the wording was out of line, especially for a professional company, and whether that’s true or not I’m not fazed. If anything I’m glad they had the balls to say it. While yes we are more informal in our reviews we’re not above calling something an absolute piece of fucken bullshit swill water if that’s what we feel. Remember tone and emotion aren’t conveyed best over the internet let alone within 140 characters.
Also you have to remember where they’re coming from. Our reviewing practices make it near impossible to get over a 9 let alone a perfect 10, when we say 5 is average, and 10 is akin to orgasm – we truly follow that mindset in a review. Even if something were to get a 10 in every taste related category it could still fall short on manliness, and it’d have to be one of the best deals of all time to get a 10 in every category. An overall score of 6 is a good thing to have, and I stress this – I’d totally buy Wodka again. I live in an area called CT where liquor prices are very high and if I need an everyday vodka (and I’m not getting something to review) I’d go with Wodka because I can’t get a good deal on Three-O or Skyy.
As for this situation, yes Wodka called us out on our review, we called them out on their response – at the end of the day they still offer a cheap above average Vodka, and we still review things with an iron fist.
Cheers Mates.
Evan Williams Black Label Bourbon Whiskey 750mL
He’s alive, I mean Justice is alive. He contacted us through secure channels of a dolphin echolocation protocol late last night with the single phrase “I love scotch.” I’m sure that means he’ll return shortly talking about the beauty that is scotch whisky. Until then we’re stuck reviewing a bourbon, and not one we enjoy either.
Brooklyn Brown Ale
It was midnight in the big city when I decided I needed a drink. The shoe that is life started to press down upon me and I was but a mere cockroach of a human. The world was a cruel mistress and I was but a sweaty politician that had lost everything and now she was turning her back on me. I knew that the only relief for me would be sitting at the bottom of a glass somewhere out in this wretched world and so I set out to find my salvation.
Wodka Vodka 750mL
Another week and we still haven’t heard from Justice, though a Cambodian Monk has told us that “He is the envy of angels on earth.” So this week we carried on and went to a farm, where there were goats, a robot, and vodka. Since this isn’t Honest Robot-Goat Reviews, let’s move on to this weeks review Wodka vodka, which comes from Poland.