Alright new year, and it’s sure to be a whole heap better than before [this claim is disputed]. We’ll start with a vodka that claims to be the ‘ultimate’, and it’s already gone to nail polish remover in a bucket. We have a decent backlog going and literally picked at random what the first of the year would be, and of course it’s an overselling, overpriced, piece of shit vodka – because while we paused reviews for a while – nothing every actually changes.
It has been a hell of a long time since we’ve reviewed Buffalo Trace’s Bourbon (nearly 8 years) since then it’s remained a bar staple for a good time on rocks or request for an Old Fashioned (if in the mood for non-rye). They apparently have a vodka now, and where that has a more diverse and muted flavor – this is a big wheat and grain scenario.
Maybe it’s seasonal depression given this review is happening mid-Jan, but this vodka just evokes a mindset that makes you sort of want to hate it. It’s got this naming and imagery that seems more at place on a rum, and yet we can’t deny – it’s actually an all around above average vodka.
This review was for the most part on track to be just another okay budget vodka that maybe has a few bright spots with some bad. Then we got to the part where we need to assess the text on the bottle, type it out and give an overall score of honesty based on design, literature, and lies. What followed was – and we mean this completely – the worst bottle text in existence – so without further ado! FUCK. THIS. VODKA.
We’ve had a string of bad reviews lately, and it feels like we buried the lead sometimes. Hard pass on this vodka y’all. Anyway with that out of the way the review must go on – this is a small batch Vermont vodka, and while we’d love to sing the praises of people in the Northeast of the USA doing good honest work – they bloviate and fail to produce something of true quality and instead make something okay that costs too damn much.
We do want to assure people that next week’s review will actually – be something good, and while we do have 2 really bad ones in a row – that’s sort of what happens when you roll the dice on these things. If only there was a – wait no – too meta. Anyway, we get a vodka from Poland that says almost nothing, but what’s inside screams volumes.
We’ve previously had their ‘estate’ vodka, but how about the original? Well if their special version wasn’t a great showing it’d be odd if the original was better – thankfully that’s not the case really. This really only scores higher overall because it is (thank god) cheaper.
We don’t care much for important footnotes – so this is basically an upgraded Stoli. Now we have reviewed Stoli before and the results – well they weren’t good. This is – well it is better, but at what cost?
Another day, another polish vodka where you have to stop from making the ‘more like shoe polish’ joke. Not because we malign Poland, but because their vodkas can be a real mixed bag. This at least is well on the cheaper scale, but as we’ve found probably the most in the case of vodka – something cheap can be good. This is not.
We are suckers for a good creamy flavored vodka. (and to all of you who thought about that whipped cream vodka please seek help). No we mean a vodka that doesn’t feel clean or wheat-y, but creamy making it a prime candidate for one of our favorite drinks – a white Russian. This, however, is a double-edged sword because by virtue of not being ‘pure’ and ‘clean’ it’s possible this fails elsewhere.
