Hello and welcome to meat reviews. This week, like every week we review bacon. Because bacon is meat, and it’s bacon. So this week we went to the liquor store. Bacon was on sale. SO we bought all of it. Then we made vodka. Then we combined them. Then a friend of ours brought us this magnificent bastard. Then the world seceded from the universe.
Look at this glorious thing.
It’s called Bakon, and it’s a radical idea. It combines vodka – a thing Russians drink for… well every situation, and bacon – a thing men eat. With these powers combined we have something that may become a definition of the word awesome. This is a combination not seen since Terminator bears began having offspring with Robocop tigers.
It’s a beautiful day when a man can drink an alcohol and think to himself – yes! Now there’s a taste of meat that isn’t fake. There’s something that I can get behind drinking. I want to marinate more meat with this, and then eat that meat and drink the juices afterwards. Now I know some of you in the audience are reading this and thinking – that’s gross, or eww meat flavored, or interesting but I don’t want to drink that. I would apologize for calling you people wussies with underpants wedgie’d to your nose by a 5 year old girls, but you have no stones so I won’t.
For those of you who were offended by my mocking you, man up, drink vodka. You want to know how manly this is? Let me give you some light reading. Here’s what they say on the bottle.
What they say: “Distilled from potatoes, naturally flavored.”
That’s it. Its bacon flavored vodka, and not just flavored – flavored by real bacon. Even we agree it’s pretty fan-freakin-swordfight-tastic. So here’s our scores:
Taste: 6.29 – This is really bizarre, like if someone deep fried the bacon in vodka. However the ethanol flavoring does have presence here.
Aftertaste: 8 – Warm bacon-smoked happiness. It improves greatly on the taste.
Burn/Smooth: 7.36 – There’s really only a minor burn at the beginning.
Aroma: 8.91 – Smells like Bacon salt. Really good.
Manliness: 9.21 – It’s bacon vodka. The bottle is nice, the Bakon name is meh, and the cork helps. It’s also naturally flavored.
Bakon Vodka + Chocolat Whipped Vodka: 8.28 – Weird but mostly well received.
Bakon + Maple Syrup (Mass B Grade 2009): 8.28 – Happiness.
Bakon Screwdriver: 8.5 – This tastes like breakfast. Beautiful.
Value: 4.14 – A lot of the price is in the novelty. Granted there’s novelty to be had, but the price is hefty.
Google Shop Average: $29
William Henri Neve the IV: 8
Bro-Skater B-Fey: 8.5
Swetta Vest: 8.5
Metric Score: 52.26/70 |+| Metric Average: 7.46 |+| Reviewer Average: 8
It’s bacon flavored vodka, there’s no escaping it, and in a way no reason too. Honestly here if you think to yourself that you are the kind of person who deserves to have bacon flavored vodka than pick this up. For the amateurs out there? Piss off.