So I realize that on the Halloween special reviewing Jack-o-Blast we stated “Haha, nice try Captain Morgan, while we appreciate the product synergy, we will get Cannon Blast on our own time.” It turns out that time is now. We also promised not to be nice, but fair. In all fairness though this looks like it’s meant to blow your arm clean off – but much like how it’s appearance could be called a tarted-up gimmick so too can the rum sadly.
It really is a sad thing as well. We’ve been here before with Captain Morgan, trying it when they do something new or novel. The problem is that is usually doesn’t go well, and we’d be willing to write them off if it weren’t for the deliciousness of Private Stock – something that even today years later is still the choice for a straight sipping rum. This was there chance, sure the Jack-o-Blast needed to be defanged, but when your rum comes in a cannonball bottle – step up the game. Don’t make something that tests well, or has more sugar then cake – make something that strips the barnacles off a ship.
What they Say: “An intensely delicious shot.” and “Have a blast at www.captainmorgan.com”
Taste: 3.0 – So there is a rum here; however I can see why they so easily made the Jack-o-Blast because this tastes exactly like the candies, except add a bit more lemon and citrus to combo with the sweetness instead of pumpkin spice.
Aftertaste: 3.0 – You get a bit of spice (or ginger) like taste with the lingering sweetness and citrus, but it’s not like the rum takes hold.
Burn/Smooth: 3.5 – It doesn’t burn, but with so much tart and sugar it doesn’t go down in a ‘smooth’ manner even if it is meant to be like a shot.
Aroma: 4.0 – That… smells like a caramel/butterscotch candy swirl with an orange creamsicle. It’s honestly a little eerie how much this smells like an orange creamsicle, and it’s kind of scary.
Honesty: 7.0 – So they rightfully say very little (which I feel comes more from having to describe a rum in this kind of bottle as a gum drop candy, but okay). So I have to go with the look overall, and well it’s meant to look like a cannon ball. While the required top does make it look more like an old timey/video game bomb – that’s not a demerit. So here’s how it goes, while this is a nice aesthetic, and it looks good – it is still easily identifiable as a gimmicky look which does hurt it a bit.
Mixability: 3.5
W/ Rocks: 1.5 – That makes it more sugary and awful. I regret doing this.
Rum and Coke: 5.5 – So it’s not terrible. If anything it just adds a bit more of a sweet and citrus flavor to the coke. It’s likeable sure, but considering what it tastes like straight you do have to worry about diabetes.
Value: 3.0 – So this makes a sugar/citrus-y rum and coke, and that’s about all the good it does. While it’s not expensive, it’s not worth this amount of money.
Google Shop Average: $16
Website: www.captainmorgan.com
Reviewer Scores:
BuffaloJern: 2.0
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Metric Score: 27/70 |+| Metric Average: 3.86 |+| Reviewer Average: 2.0
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Final Thoughts: That might be the largest point spread we’ve ever had on this site, and yet it makes complete sense. While this looks good, and was worth the time to try (although too sweet) this is more than just an objectively subpar tchotchke. It’s a failed opportunity. Something that went through a lot of design, testing, focus groups, and they ended up with something they shouldn’t have made had they been people instead of a company. It’s a rum meant to look like a cannonball for crissakes, but ultimately it missed the mark.
Editor’s Note: We apologize for puns, but that doesn’t mean we censor them.
Hallow. Cannonball good very blast. We love long time. More spices please. Taste like white mystery air head taffies. Who art thou disagree with meh. Please post your mystery experience. *Try the mystery air head before post. Legit. Don’t judge me monkeys.