It’s a cold one up here in the Northeast US at the time of review. So cold even the rum is wearing a scarf. (It’s a dumb joke but we’ll die on this hill). Yes our whiskey bender is over and we’re onto rum. Pyrat rum to be exact which is pronounced exactly like you’d think because they couldn’t even be that original over at the ol’ Patron plant.
Which this does no shortage of things to remind you of who made this rum in an attempt to reach out for that market share Patron managed to get through no fault of their own. Anyway let’s get into it because they sadly have much to say.
What they Say: “The bottle merely states the means of importation. There is however a little pamphlet and a thing.
Hoti: The Zen patron saint and protector of fortune tellers and bartenders.
Pamphlet: From the creators of Patron, the world’s highest-quality tequilas and liquers, we bring you the finest in ultra premium rum.
Pyrat XO Reserve rum is a complex yet mellow blend of carefully selected aged rums sourced from throughout the Caribbean. Pyrat is masterfully blended to be elegant, smooth and delicious. This sophisticated, rum is characterized by its rich amber color, and oak wood aroma. Its taste is a complex blend of oak wood, vanilla, orange and light cane sugar.
Once blended to perfection, Pyrat XO Reserve is poured into individually numbered, hand-crafted decanters and decorated with a Hoti (pronounced Ho-Tie). The Hoti represents the Zen patron saint and protector of fortunetellers and bartenders.
How to enjoy the rich taste of Pyrat XO Reserve:
- Neat in a snifter with a lemon twist
- On the rocks with a wedge of lime
- With your favorite cola or juice.”
Taste: 3.5 – There’s a sort of burn sort of rum upfront taste aspect to it. It’s not highly pleasant, and is kinda at odds with the other tastes going on.
Aftertaste: 3.5 – It’s really quite sad how often the taste does not match the smell. Because that doesn’t have an atertaste like a grown up rum with the orange and vanilla flavors, but like someone dumped sugary creamsicle creamsavers into a vat of rum.
Burn/Smooth: 4.0 – See aformementioned taste, but yes a smooth jazzy sipping rum rocking in a chair on your porch this is not.
Aroma: 9.0 – That smells amazing. Like a grown up creamsicle. The vanilla and orange sweetness isn’t syrupy or cloying, and that bit of rum/caramel is still there to remind you that while this harkens to your childhood – you’d have a much shittier one if this is what you were drinking back then.
Honesty: 1.0 – Let’s be honest here folks – this thing – is a hot mess. First off the actual bottle has nothing which is fine, but then they do so much over it. First the Hoti – like who is that for? We don’t want it, and it’s just a thing that cuts into costs. The little literature is a trainwreck of lies and wankery, and then to top it off there’s this orange scarf looking thing. Also there’s like a buddha thing, but it’s Caribbean which isn’t really a thing. Please go back to the drawing board Patron for your orange flavored rum.
W/ Rocks: 4.5 – For those hoping the saving grace would be a dab of ice – a little. It does curb that harshness, but does little for the sweetness and overall is just not good.
Rum and Coke: 5.5 – This. Okay. Imagine a flavor of coke. Not like one you’d actively seek out, but like one that a soda machine has. So your choice is this coke or like pepsi. You’d still go this, but yeah.
Value: 3.0 – The only thing this does well is smell nice, so unless you can alchemy style turn this into a really baller set of candles, that price is way too damn high evne for an XO aging.
Google Shop Average: $33
Metric Score: 29/70 |+| Metric Average: 4.14 |+| Reviewer Average: 2.5
Final Thoughts: It’s not mentioned often about why we have reviewer and metric scores even if there is only a single reviewer, but here’s why. I hate this rum, but that hatred comes more as a series of broken promies and overdesign, when in actuality it’s not the worst thing just subpar.