When you hear Gordon’s you think of one name, James Bond, with the famous words “Shaken, not stirred.” What most people don’t get is that James Bond’s martini’s use vodka, and shaking gin for a martini is the worst thing you could do to it. Now we’re not here this week to judge James Bond’s iconic-ly known vodka (though it’s not that great). No we are here to review Gordon’s Gin, a gin that was my (The Buffalo’s) first foray into gin. Which ended with me almost nearly being turned off to gin forever.
Luckily I realized that error, and have since come to enjoy gin so much that I’ve been going through New Amsterdam bottles faster than I can buy tonic. It is here though that we arrive at Gordon’s Gin, something that I think we can all agree at the Buffalo Lounge is something we’ll never touch again.
Granted overall we could say that Gordon’s is average – there is certainly worse. Gordon’s though is not average. With an aftertaste that could destroy Polynesian countries, and a bottle that belongs in a gutter – Gordon’s strong points are limited to smelling like pine trees. This is what they have to say for themselves.
What they say: “Alexander Gordon founded the world famous gin distillery in London, England during 1769. Gordon’s London Dry Gin has been carefully produced using the same ingredients ever since. It is Alexander Gordon’s unique blend of juniper berries and other exotic herbs which give Gordon’s its distinctive flavor and clarity of taste.”
Reading this I don’t see wank, I see a company claiming that they’ve not changed since a time period where bathing once a month was excessive. Now if their recipe was truly amazing I could understand the lack of need for change, but as it is this gin needs to evolve – Pokemon Style.
Taste: 5.1 – A bit of spearmint/pine taste, but beyond that it’s an average gin taste.
Aftertaste: 2.5 – Opens up all the pores in your mouth you didn’t know you had. Really not a nice taste at all. This is the defining feature of the gin, and the only thing you’ll remember the next morning.
Burn/Smooth: 5.5 – This has a burn – you can feel it trying to be smooth, but it does hurt.
Aroma: 7.125 – Nice pine smell – no real alcohol smell. You can get that alcohol if you dig deep enough.
Manliness: 3 – The berries kind of detract from manliness. The problem with this is that we see this on the side of the road. It has this weird dragon boar thing, but overall the color, the shape, the labeling just makes this seem awful. Since this isn’t the vodka the help of James Bond is nowhere to be found.
Gin & Tonic: 6.375 – The lime makes this bearable, but not perfect. It’s a fairly good gin and tonic.
Red Baron: 3 – Tastes like nothing, which is really bad.
Martini: 4.4 – Decent martini, but the ending taste isn’t stellar.
Value: 4.9 – This is average. You get what you pay for, you have bought dirt cheap gin, and you get dirt cheap tasting gin.
Google Shop Average: $11
William Henri Neve the IV: 4.5
Swetta Vest: 5
Metric Score: 32.72/70 |+| Metric Average: 4.67 |+| Reviewer Average: 4.3
Fuck you pig-dragon thing. Gin made of pine needles and fire, it’s gin but gross gin. For the most part there’s nothing to say, the scores say it all. This is just tasteless and kind of bland.