Ugh my head. You’d think I’d know at this point not to drink cheap whiskey straight. Whoops, well there’s my whole opinion of Kellan Irish Whiskey given away in one line. Hello and welcome back to this week’s edition of booze reviews. It’s been long known in the Buffalo Lounge that for these reviews we really need to start paying attention to the lower shelves. That’s why this week we turned our eyes down and grabbed something on the lower level whiskey shelf.
Now I was the one who bought this whiskey, and while I pride myself on my taste for good whiskey, I do make mistakes when trying new things…Kellan’s Irish whiskey was one of those mistakes. It’s got a Jameson price with a five dollar whiskey taste and that became glaringly obvious as we each tasted the booze in turn. Though putting ice with it took some of the bite from the drink, it wasn’t enough to keep it afloat.
Now I suppose it’s only fair we allow the booze a chance to defend itself, so let’s hear what it has to say:
What they say: “Carefully distilled to achieve perfection, matured in the finest selection of American Oak Casks and blended under the careful eye of its master distiller.Kellan Irish Whiskey…flawless quality”
Okay that’s bullshit. I’m willing to say that this whiskey could be used as some sort of casual whiskey, something you’d mix with something to cut its horrid aftertaste. It could also be something that you’d keep a decanter of in your house (or your office if you’re from the 50s) for guests. However, this description makes me think that this whiskey is going to be of a quality that I might be able to enjoy it by its own merits, something that is entirely untrue. Even if you were planning on using it for one of these above purposes, the brass tacks is that it just isn’t worth the price, Jameson costs the same amount and tastes exceedingly better.
Now that you’ve heard my opinion and you’ve heard what the bottle says in its defense, it’s time to see some numbers:
Taste: 5.33 – “Above average taste but not by much.”
Aftertaste: 2.5 – “Has a weird aftertaste, not sure what it is, but not pleasant.” “If you keep it in it’s not something that you enjoy being there.” Swetta Vest: “Fucker does not go in my nose”
Burn/Smooth: 6.33 – “Enjoyed the warmness at the end” “It’s very smooth the taste is just bad.”“You can feel it but the smoothness is nice.” “Smooth but not enjoyable.”
Aroma:4.2 – “Not bad, but it doesn’t have that I want to drink this whiskey smell.”
Honesty: 5.58 – “Kind of a hardcore wank.”“Like this is something you put in your decanter to share casually with people you know but that doesn’t necessarily make it good.” “It’s a bottle, it has whiskey, only its bad taste is distinctive.”
Whiskey and Ginger Ale: 5.4 – “Like if it came on the radio you wouldn’t change the station but it sure isn’t on your iPod.”
ShamrockedKellan: N/A – “No whiskey taste but then again there’s not a lot of it in there.” “As such while it’s from there site we’re not counting it.”
Whiskey on the Rocks: 5.66 – “The ice heals some of the aftertaste, but that only makes it average across the board.”
Value: 3.41 – “Because it’s so middle of the road it’s not worth it’s price, and there’s whiskey’s out there that taste better for less or same.”
Google Shop Average: $25
William Henri Neve the IV:4.5
Swetta Vest: 4.5
Metric Score: 32.88/70 Metric Average: 4.69 Reviewer Average: 4.58
Buffalo Jern: “It’s whiskey, but not good whiskey.”
William Henri Neve the IV: “Yo, I paid zero dollars for this what a rip-off.”
Justice: “This is what you drink during the potato famine.”
All of us: “Just buy Jameson.”