My liver is crying and my brain is in a torrent of pain. Must be time for another installment of Booze Reviews. I am the Mexi-Bro, the real deal derogatory term for a Spanish person-derogatory term for a black person (ask Buffalo about what I am talking about as it is not the time or place for that kind of boorish language). I am William Henri Neve IV: Super Dragon Edition. Today we are going to be looking blurrily at a tequila we decided to pit against our review of 1800 – our last tequila review.
Even my attempts to make it manlier can’t save the EuroTrash look.
The things that make life living are those moments where you have something happen that is unlikely to occur…the little miracles in life. Good thing that we have found out where true happiness comes from, for tequila lovers that is. This happiness comes from the land of miracles or, as the bottle actually says: Leyenda Del Milagro.
With a name, and bottle, like that I was undeniably skeptical about it being on a shelf above 1800 and about buying it at all. This bottle speaks to me the same way a gay man speaks to his lover just before injecting him with man meat. That is to say this bottle says: this is going to hurt.
Well, as I have grown on tequila and come to love it for what it has to offer as a booze others in our group, namely the Buffalo and DJ LvL are skeptical about the whole tequila thing. So, we all tried this out with extremely low expectations and very high levels of wanting limes with our normal crew including the ever rare appearance from SwettahVest!
First let’s read this bott–NOTHING. THERE IS NOTHING ON THE BOTTLE BUT THE TITLE AND WARNING! That is all. Well…no reference at all for what happiness or sadness will be in our future. Might as well grab our sombreros and speak some Spanish and start shooting this down!
Taste: 8.625 – “A bit of sweetness. The agave is there but it’s muted to the perfect amount of agave that you need. “
Aftertaste: 6.875 – “Really non-existent making it above mid shelf tequila; however because some tequila have actual aftertastes this score suffers.”
Burn/Smooth: 8.7 – “As Mike Myers said back on SNL when he was funny…it was like buttah! Smooth like water but there might be something smoother because I didn’t cum…getting closer though.”
Aroma: 7.17 – “*gagging* This is a STRONG smell of agave. More than the taste actually gives thank god. No smell of an alcohol related smell, just agave.”
Honesty: 3.5 – “Nice blue color…but…might look better under a blacklight as in regular light it looks out of place. It is stuck up calling itself miracle in any way, no matter how good the taste. It is silver tequila sadly (aging things make them better). This looks like Euro-trash, shit techno related, garbage that should be on the shelf next to Effen Vodka.”
Mixability: 8.5
Tequila + Lime: 7.875
Tequila Sunrise: 9.125 – “That may be one of the best sunrises I’ve ever had. Ever. Nearly came. “
Value: 7
“Not going to break records but also not your wallet for what it offers.”
Google Shop Average $30
Website: http://www.milagrotequila.com/
Reviewer Scores:
DJ_Lvl: 7
William Henri Neve the IV: 8
Justice: 8
BuffaloJern: 8
Swettah Vest: 8
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Metric Score: 50.37/70 Metric Average: 7.20 Reviewer Average: 7.8
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Final Thoughts:
“Glad that I bought this tequila it’s damn smooth, damn tasty but the look and price decrease.” –William Henri Neve iV
“Looks like a bitch and tastes like a boss.” –Justice
“Good for tequila but it’s still tequila.” –DJ_LvL
“Not a big fan of Tequila but I do like this.” – BuffaloJern
My other final thought is simply this: I have had tequila grow on me. This is superior to 1800 in my opinion in taste and smoothness and ties it in everything but value and honesty. Tune in next review of tequila for a review of our third silver tequila before we move to other types!