What makes a man, is it the power in his hands? Is it his quest for glory? Well yes actually. Though to clarify glory is Scotch, and power? Well power is a Rusty Nail, and because this is the Buffalo Spirit Guide (And not something about tools and hammers) I am of course talking about the drink – The Rusty Nail.
Apologies for the length of time since the first column – but it’s quite hard to do a column about mixed drinks when you’ve been drinking rum and whisky straight. So I asked the question above “what makes a man?” and despite 80′s pop music I meant it. How do you go about proving that you are in fact a man? Now sure you could just whip out your penis; however our friend Pat Brolonis does this and I dare you to look at his AAC ’11 pics and tell me that a man should look like that. Okay then well maybe it’s about being big, fat, and not giving a fuck because you’re funny and drink a whole lot. This however means you miss your panels and ignoring appointments is not a manly quality. ala’ Erik.
Well then how about scotch? Surely this is incredibly manly, it holds a problem though. You go to a bar just order scotch on the rocks the whole night and you’re just seen as an alcoholic. You need to order some other things as well. Sure Gin Martini’s will give you some classy man points, but what about something that says you have balls made of titanium, balls that are bigger than your head, balls that could fix the hole in the ozone layer if you fancied?
The answer is easy, you ask for a Rusty Nail. It’s perfect for this, it combines scotch, and a Scottish liquer that nobodies ever heard about and sounds like a brand of oil – I am of course referring to Drambuie. You then combine this unknown substance with scotch and name it after delicious tetanus? The name of the drink alone invokes manliness for chrissakes, I mean c’mon any pretender can eat nails, but you like your nails with some rust – gives em character and an aged taste.
Now the true origin of the Rusty Nail is attributed to a New York Bar in the 1950′s, but considering Drambuie has been around since the 1800′s, and being a Scottish liquer the drink has probably existed for much longer. Whether or not the drink was actually stirred with a rusty nail (remember 1800′s in Scotland so maybe) or it gained it’s iconic name from the color – the drink is fantastic. Combining the power and peaty-ness of scotch with the sweet honey like taste of Drambuie makes for a cocktail with power, but smoothness.
So how to go about making a Rusty Nail, well it’s simple really just need 2 bottles, a glass, and some ice. Granted since Drambuie runs you about $32, and the lowest entry scotch you would use would be Johnnie Walker Red, Famous Grouse, or Dewar White Label all of which are around $22. Hey don’t you think well screw that. Man up bitch. Yeah it’s fifty bucks, but being a man means being a man. Hell single malt scotches cost $50 and you buy scotch right. Right? Damn right, let’s start this.
- Rocks glass – chilled preferably, but make sure you add rocks
- Real rocks – igneous preferred.
- 2 Parts Scotch – Start with a blended and try single malts as you acquire a taste.
- 1 Part – to a 1/2 Part Drambuie.
- Stir with a nail. Make sure the nail is oxidized.
- Drink, and you better not do it like a bitch.
It’s delicious right? It combines the peat and smoke of scotch with honey and other stuff that’s sweet making it combine really well. Even those who can’t stand scotch neat or over rocks can handle this drink. So you can order that rusty nail at a bar, give that pretty number to your left a sip when she sits next to you. She’ll think it’s sweet too but might not like the whisky. If you’re lucky though she will. Enjoy that.
Well than how can the Buffalo improve that? I mean sure you could less Drambuie, but that’s not enough, it doesn’t really feel buffalo-like. Well sure you can raise the tier on your blended scotch. Johnnie Walker Black Label costs 33, and makes a damn fine rusty nail, but it’s just lacking something.
Hmm. Wait I think I got it, it was there all along. What makes a man? Is it the woman in his arms, just because she has big titties? No it must be the rusty nail, but what of the quest for glory? How would someone undertake such a feat, a veritable Journey of Justice. I think that’s exactly what you need. You want the perfect rusty nail? The words of wisdom from the Buffalo? Then set forth. Explore the worlds of scotch and find the scotch that makes your favorite rusty nail. It’s said that there’s a perfect scotch for every man, well why not the same of a perfect rusty nail. The Drambuie will always be there, so set forth into the world of scotch.
Then again – nah it’s probably the titties.
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