If we were a cynical lot we’d say that this vodka represents the dark side of supposed family owned or built empires as this is merely a shadow – a homage to a grandparent with no real prominence. We aren’t though because in truth we don’t care about old families or recipes anyway (unless it’s you know – good). What does gall our stones though is the sadness of a local boy who’s just awful at making vodka.
It burns, it offends the smell and senses, and even the bottle is some euro trash affecting all sense and thought. We’d be lying to say we don’t hate nearly every aspect of this. There’s no saving grace here, and we’d sooner have Mr. Boston – because at least you know what you’re getting there.
What they Say: “Inspired by his Polish father and grandfather, Paul founded V-One in his Hadley, Mass., home. Today, his ultra-premium vodka is hand-crafted in one of Poland’s most experienced and modern distilleries. From humble beginnings, this award-winner is now recognized as one of the most drinkable luxury brands in the world.”
Taste: 3.0 – There’s a wheat grain aspect here that can’t be denied and a bit of sugar.
Aftertaste: 1.0 – You can feel this stripping away at your throat as if it were some sort of lacquer. It is horrendous.
Burn/Smooth: 2.0 – That burns like a firecracker, not all at once, and terrible to consume. Anyone without a strong will would wince heavily at this.
Aroma: 2.5 – It’s not a great smell. Sort of singes the nose hairs and there’s no relief. There’s been worse, but not many that weren’t straight paint thinner smelling.
Honesty: 3.0 – So they lived in Mass and went to Poland for authenticity – feels a bit off. Also as far as drinkable or luxury – there is so much wank it’s painful.
Mixability: 4.5
Vodka Tonic: 3.5 – It’s okay. But there’s a greasy aspect to it. Just not enjoyable at all really.
White Russian: 5.5 – It’s not so bad as a Russian. If this is luxury though, consider us a cheapskate.
Value: 2.5 – We very much overpaid by a whole 5 dollars, that being said $24 ain’t no bargain value either. In short, this vodka is simply too bad to cost this much.
Google Shop Average: $24
Website: https://v1vodka.com/
Reviewer Scores:
BuffaloJern: 1.0
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Metric Score: 18.5/70 |+| Metric Average: 2.64 |+| Reviewer Average: 1.0
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Final Thoughts: Fuck this vodka. Yeah, we said it. Fuck this vodka. The only thing it can do is be an overpriced mediocre mixer. If that’s all you can do, and you think yourselves some beautiful memory of an ancestor, well piss on their graves, and when you run out of piss might as well throw this on it as well.
